The Silencing the Self Scale

I think it is best to put myself first because no one else will look out for me.

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I don’t speak my feelings in an intimate relationship when I know they will cause disagreement

Caring means putting the other person’s needs in front of my own.

Considering my needs to be as important as those of the people I love is selfish.

I find it is harder to be myself when I am in a close relationship than when I am on my own.

I tend to judge myself by how I think other people see me.

I feel dissatisfied with myself because I should be able to do all the things people are supposed to be able to do these days.

When my partner’s needs and feelings conflict with my own‚ I always state mine clearly.

In a close relationship‚ my responsibility is to make the other person happy.

Caring means choosing to do what the other person wants‚ even when I want to do something different.

In order to feel good about myself‚ I need to feel independent and self-sufficient.

One of the worst things I can do is to be selfish.

I feel I have to act in a certain way to please my partner.

Instead of risking confrontations in close relationships‚ I would rather not rock the boat.

I speak my feelings with my partner‚ even when it leads to problems or disagreements.

Often I look happy enough on the outside‚ but inwardly I feel angry and rebellious.

In order for my partner to love me‚ I cannot reveal certain things about myself to him/her.

When my partner’s needs or opinions conflict with mine‚ rather than asserting my own point of view I usually end up agreeing with him/her.

When I am in a close relationship I lose my sense of who I am.

When it looks as though certain of my needs can’t be met in a relationship‚ I usually realize that they weren’t very important anyway.

My partner loves and appreciates me for who I am.

Doing things just for myself is selfish.

When I make decisions‚ other people’s thoughts and opinions influence me more than my own thoughts and opinions.

I rarely express my anger at those close to me.

I feel that my partner does not know my real self.

I think it’s better to keep my feelings to myself when they do conflict with my partner’s.

I often feel responsible for other people’s feelings.

I find it hard to know what I think and feel because I spend a lot of time thinking about how other people are feeling.

In a close relationship I don’t usually care what we do‚ as long as the other person is happy.

I try to bury my feelings when I think they will cause trouble in my close relationship(s).

I never seem to measure up to the standards I set for myself.