Self-Understanding Rating Scale (SUPI)

a) I recognize that I feel and act this way with a significant person in my life‚ but I don’t know why.
b) I can see that this experience has become a pattern with multiple people in my life‚ but I don’t know why.
c) I’m beginning to see a link between these experiences and past relationship experiences‚ but the connection is not yet clear.
d) I can clearly see that I feel and act this way because of past relationship experiences.
Interpersonal Patterns
1) I feel the need to “save” others when I see them ha‎ving a tough time and therefore try to solve their problems for them.
2) I feel the need to guide others when I see them about to make a mistake and wind up telling them what to do.
3) I feel the need to please others and let them push me to do something I don’t want to do.
4) I need someone to truly understand me‚ and feel hurt when he/she cannot relate to my feelings.
5) I feel the need to keep someone close‚ and do whatever is necessary to keep him/her with me even when they need to leave me.
6) I feel the need to change someone‚ and wind up helping him/her to think more like me even when he/she has beliefs or values different from mine.
7) I feel the need to be understood by others‚ and get defensive or angry when others are not able to see things like I see them.
8) I feel the need to be close to someone and have difficulty letting them have the space they need.
9) I am very dependent on others for approval‚ and feel hurt when they reject me.
10) I need to be trusted by someone‚ and feel rejected when they do not trust me.
11) I need to trust someone‚ yet I distance myself from that person when they act in a dishonest way.
12) I feel the need to be accepted by someone‚ and feel bad about myself when he/she doesn’t like me.
13) I need someone to take care of me‚ and I feel abandoned when he/she is not helpful.
14) I need someone to be reliable‚ and I feel disappointed when he/she lets me down.
15) I need to feel accepted by others‚ and I feel bad when they oppose what I want to do.
16) I need to feel free of responsibility‚ and I distance myself from someone I care about because they are too dependent on me.
17) I need to be respected by someone‚ and I feel hurt when he/she does not approve of me.
18) I want to accept someone else‚ but I am forced to distance myself when they do not live up to my expectations.
19) I feel the need to avoid conflict‚ and keep quiet even when someone else mistreats me.
Self-Understanding Rating Scale (SUPI-R)
a) I do not feel and act this way in my current relationships.
 b) I feel and act this way with at least one person in my life.
 c) I feel and act this way with multiple people in my life.
 d) I feel and act this way with multiple people because of my past relationship experiences.
 e) I am in part responsible for continuing to feel and act this way with multiple people (ie. I go into situations expecting to feel and act this way or I chose to put myself into these kinds of situations).
 f) I recognize that I am feeling and acting this way in the moment it is happening or shortly thereafter.
 g) When I recognize that I am feeling and acting this way I am able to consider other ways of viewing the situation in the moment.
 H. How important is this experience in your current relationships?
 1-‎–‎–‎–‎–‎–2-‎–‎–‎–‎–‎–3-‎–‎–‎–‎–‎–4-‎–‎–‎–‎–‎-5-‎–‎–‎–‎–‎–6-‎–‎–‎–‎–‎–7-‎–‎–‎–‎–‎–8-‎–‎–‎–‎–‎–9-‎–‎–‎–‎–‎–10 1= not important‚ 2= somewhat important‚ 3= very important
1) I feel the need to “save” others when I see them ha‎ving a tough time and therefore try to solve their problems for them:
2) I feel the need to guide others when I see them about to make a mistake and wind up telling them what to do:
3) I need someone to truly understand me‚ and feel hurt when he/she cannot relate to my feelings:
4) I feel the need to keep someone close‚ and do whatever is necessary to keep him/her with me even when they need to leave me:
5) I feel the need to change someone‚ and wind up helping him/her to think more like me even when he/she has beliefs or values different from mine:
6) I feel the need to be understood by others‚ and get defensive or angry when others are not able to see things like I see them:
7) I feel the need to be close to someone and have difficulty letting them have the space they need:
8) I need to be trusted by someone‚ and feel rejected when they do not trust me:
9) I need to trust someone‚ yet I distance myself from that person when they act in a dishonest way:
10) I feel the need to be accepted by someone‚ and feel bad about myself when he/she doesn’t like me:
11) I need someone to take care of me‚ and I feel abandoned when he/she is not helpful:
12) I need someone to be reliable‚ and I feel disappointed when he/she lets me down:
13) I need to feel free of responsibility‚ and I distance myself from someone I care about because they are too dependent on me:
14) I need to be respected by someone‚ and I feel hurt when he/she does not approve of me:
15) I want to accept someone else‚ but I am forced to distance myself when they do not live up to my expectations:
16) I would like to feel free to do my own thing‚ so I separate myself completely from another when I feel he/she is trying to butt in and take over:
17) I want someone to look after me and I feel angry when he/she doesn’t notice me or pay any attention to me:
18) I want to be able to count on someone else‚ but when he/she neglects my needs I shut myself off from him/her and feel sad:
19) I want another person to accept me as I am‚ but I bottle up my feelings and do whatever the other wants when I feel like he/she is putting me down:
20) I want to be close to someone‚ so I try to do things the other person’s way in order to please him/her when I see that the other person is too busy with his/her own thing to notice me:
21) I want to stay and take care of another person‚ but I go my own separate way when he/she tries to tell me what to do:
22) I need for someone to take care of me‚ so when I see him/her abandoning me I feel angry but try to do whatever he/she wants:
23) I want someone to pay close attention to me‚ but I shut myself off from him/her and feel angry when he/she puts me down:
24) I want another to go his/her separate way‚ but he/she checks in with me about every little thing just because I have a clear opinion about things:
25) I want to be able to tell someone my innermost thoughts‚ but I close myself off from him/her when he/she neglects my needs:
26) I want someone to feel free to express to me the way he/she feels‚ but he/she just goes along with what I want when I clearly state my own opinion:
27) I want someone to invite me to be close to him/her‚ but I close myself off when I see that the other person is unaware of my needs:
28) I want to leave someone free to be whatever he/she thinks is best‚ but in order to make sure that things turn out right I wind up telling him/her exactly what to do even when he/she resists me:
 
This instrument can be found on page 11 of The The Reliability and Validity of a Measure of Self-Understanding of Interpersonal Patterns. Available online at:http://faculty.vet.upenn.edu/cpr/documents/connolly1999.pdf
 

Connolly‚ M.B.‚ Crits-Christoph‚ P.‚ Kurtz‚ J.‚ Butler‚ S. F.‚ Shelton‚ R. C.‚ Hollon‚ S.‚ Barber‚ J. P.‚ Baker‚ S. and Thase‚ M. E. (1999). The Reliability and validity of a measure of self-understanding of interpersonal patterns. Journal of Counseling Psychology‚ 46 (4)‚ 472-482.