Gottman Sound Relationship House Questionnaires- Conflict Processes

FLOODING
Read each statement and place a check mark in the appropriate TRUE or FALSE box.
1 = True
2 = False
1.    Our discussions get too heated.
2.    I have a hard time calming down.
3.    One of us is going to say something we will regret.
4.    My partner gets too upset.
5.    After a fight‚ I want to keep my distance.
6.    My partner yells unnecessarily.
7.    I feel overwhelmed by our arguments.
8.    I can’t think straight when my partner gets hostile.
9.    I think to myself‚ “Why can’t we talk more logically?”
10.My partner’s negativity often comes out of nowhere.
11.There’s often no stopping my partner’s temper.
12.I feel like running away during our fights.
13.Small issues suddenly become big ones.
14.I can’t calm down very easily during an argument.
15.My partner has a long list of unreasonable demands.
NEGATIVE SENTIMENT OVERRIDE
Fill this form out thinking about your immediate past (last 2 to 4 weeks)‚ or a recent discussion of an existing issue. Read each statement and place a check mark in the appropriate TRUE or FALSE box.
IN the recent past in my relationship‚ generally:
1.    I felt hurt.
2.    I felt misunderstood.
3.    I thought‚ “I don’t have to take this.”
4.    I felt innocent of blame for this problem.
5.    I thought to myself‚ just get up and leave.
6.    I was angry.
7.    I felt disappointed.
8.    I felt unjustly accused.
9.    I thought‚ “My partner has no right to say those things.”
10.I was frustrated.
11.I felt personally attacked.
12.I wanted to strike back.
13.I felt like I was warding off a barrage.
14.I felt like getting even.
15.I wanted to protect myself.
16.I took my partner’s complaints as sleights.
17.I felt like my partner was trying to control me.
18.I thought that my partner was very manipulative.
19.I felt unjustly criticized.
20.I wanted the negativity to just stop.
EFFECTIVE REPAIR ATTEMPTS
Read each statement and place a check mark in the appropriate TRUE or FALSE box.
During our attempts to resolve conflict between us:
1.    We are good at taking breaks when we need them.
2.    When I apologize it usually gets accepted by my partner.
3.    I can say that I am wrong.
4.    I am pretty good at calming myself down.
5.    Even when arguing we can maintain a sense of humor.
6.    When my partner says we should talk to each other in a different way‚ it usually makes
1.    a lot of sense.
7.    My attempts to repair our discussions when they get negative are usually effective.
8.    We are pretty good listeners even when we have different positions on things.
9.    If things get heated we can usually pull out of it and change things.
10.My partner is good at soothing me when I get upset.
11.I feel confident that we can resolve most issues between us.
12.When I comment on how we could communicate better my partner listens to me.
13.Even if things get hard at times‚ I know we can get past our differences.
14.We can be affectionate even when we are disagreeing.
15.Teasing and humor usually work with my partner for getting over negativity.
16.We can start all over again and improve our discussions when we need to.
17.When emotions run hot‚ expressing how upset I feel makes a real difference.
18.Even when there are big differences between us we can discuss these.
19.My partner expresses appreciation for nice things I do.
20.If I keep trying to communicate it will eventually work.
 
Friendship & Intimacy
•      Love Maps
•      Fondness and Admiration
•      Turning Toward or Away
•      Emotional Distance and Loneliness
Conflict
•      Harsh Startup
•      The Four Horsemen
•      Gridlock on Perpetual Issues
•      Accepting Influence
•      Compromise
Conflict Processes
•      Flooding
•      Negative Sentiment Override
•      Effective Repair Attempts
Meaning
•      Shared Meaning Rituals
•      Shared Meaning Roles
•      Shared Meaning Goals
•      Shared Meaning Symbols
 
This instrument can be found at: Healthy Marriages Compendium
 

Gottman‚ J. (1999). The marriage clinic. New York: W.W. Norton.

Gottman‚ J. M. (1999b). The marriage clinic: A scientifically based marital therapy. New York‚ NY: W.W. Norton & Company

Gottman‚ J.M. & Silver‚ N. (1999). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. New York‚ NY: Crown Publishers‚ Inc.

Navarra‚ Robert J.‚ Gottman‚ John M. & Gottman‚ Julie Schwartz. Sound Relationship House Theory and Relationship and Marriage Education:at: James J. Ponzetti‚ Jr.(2016). Evidence-based Approaches to Relationship and Marriage Education. Routledge; 93-107